Excerpts From Other People's Friends

I normally don't go out with anyone I don't know but last night I decided (since he was broke and I haven't drank with him that much) to go out with my brother and his friends. His friends seemed nice enough though a little distanced. This was understandable. I do have a reputation for better or worse.















The perps- Me and my brother Justin. A few beers shy of rioting.














My brother's friends. Notice me in the background. That awkward shuffle. That detached face of confidence. That "hurry the fuck up with the fifth fucking picture 'cause I have to take a leak" stature.

These guys did this all the fucking time with my brother's camera. "Lemme see....lemme see" was the cry of the night. It was worst than a friend with a picture phone.














Me and my brother's secret signal. "Warriors of light" from Big Trouble in Little China.

It was a strange night. A girl passed out right behind me and I went to help her out. I got her up and her friend who must have only weighed a buck of five tried to take the mantle of benefactor for the evening. I shifted the weight to him to watch him fold like Superman on laundry day as I watched the girl fall back down. Nice one Hercules. She staggered up and outside after a few seconds. The return conversation was equally ludicrous.

"Was she fucked up?" They asked.
"No." I said with a shit eating smile. " She was just really, really tired."

I threw up the hands in a joking gesture secretly hoping more stupid comments were not in the works for the evening.















They ran out of Shiner Bock for the night forcing me to drink the carbonated water known as Bud Light. Before three pitchers I was able to walk straight, engage in intelligent conversation, and perform a triple lindy. After three pitchers I was able to walk straight, engage in intelligent conversation, perform a triple lindy, AND go to the bathroom a lot.

Funny story about the bathroom.

Guy is talking to some other guy about being in the marines. As I am, I go up to say hello and inform him that I was once part of this organization as well. This is a weird phenomenon that I can't explain. So anyway, it is apparent that he doesn't believe me and even discredits my job saying it doesn't exist. He asks me if I went over to Kuwait or Iraq and questions what base. Fuck this dude. Now I don't want to be his friend. Now I just want to put him in his place which should be in the corner with a dunce cap on. I bust out my dog tags and it still doesn't sway him. Then I bust out the almighty military ID and mentioned that he was probably right how I never served or was involved in the war.

Now he wanted to be my friend and call him Carlos. Sure. Why not.

Rollcall from left to right- Justin who for some reason enjoys the handle "Cockmonger". Then the blond with the Christina Aguilera hat and boobs shooting out of the picture is Lori. She was polite and even nice the whole evening. Nothing but nice things to say about her. The man eating Lori's hair is Waldo. A true gentleman politely asking for beer and smokes, and even giving us a ride. Mr. Ihavetroublewithgravity in the blue and trying to grab the girls boob on the very right is Ram. By the end of the evening, he wanted to throw a fake apple that my brother stole at a truck in front of us during the ride home. Fucking lightweight. The girl enjoying the hand down the shirt is Nancy. Nothing but nice things to say about her as well. She gave a bunch of freeloaders fajitas and El Presidente at her house after the bar. Very nice girl.

Not a bad night all in all. My brother's friends aren't that all bad. They can't drink for shit, but they aren't that bad.