Plea For Help

This was a letter written by myself to a local radio DJ in hopes of changing the current music atmosphere.

We need help. We are going to need a shitload of help and I think you are the man to go to. Joker is on the motherfucking rampage and this is the Bat Signal shining so bright that it’s disrupting NASA missions. We need help. But I think that first I am going to have to explain who I am. Introductions are a very polite thing to do.

I’m the guy who likes war movies and porno. I’m the guy who enjoys drinking whiskey and using profanity in at least every other sentence. I think the Darwin Awards are not only funny, but should also be mandatory reading in public schools. I think that Jessica Alba’s ass is perfect and that someone should legalize gambling in Texas. I’m the guy who wants to punch everyone person in the throat who says, “Fuck the Man!” because of the individual’s obvious laziness to not place blame properly. I am a bit of a prick. I am also the guy who hates the sound of Nickelback eight times a day in a 3 hour window.

Yes, I hate Nickelback. Whenever the sound of that piece of shit band comes from your station, it fills me with a quiet rage and a deep sorrow at the same time. The rage turns into visceral reaction to want to stab a fork in the nearest person’s neck or field goal a puppy for the extra point. The sorrow from this is the knowledge that a lot of sad motherfuckers actually like this shit proving once and for all that rock is slowly dying like Terry Shiavo and Keith Richards. I now know why that Indian was crying in the old litter commercial. It was because of the shitty music played today.

In my sadness, I know also that Nickelback is only part of the problem. There are several artists out today who are proclaimed “alternative” or “on the edge” that are in reality, soul crunching demons killing rock and roll. Listing them all is an impossibility at the moment as I am struggling with time and the buzz my whiskey is currently producing.

“So why the fuck are you still listening to the station. Turn it off or just get XM.”

….because I am poor and e-mail is cheap. Maybe by writing this, I may help some sad motherfuckers stop getting into shitty music. Maybe, there is a part of me that feels that there are others out there like me. Some silent majority. Hope glistens, and this is where your help comes in.

Now I understand stand vaguely how the radio industry works. A radio station gets almost all of their money through advertising shit that the general public doesn’t really need. Corporations who also own record labels own these radio stations and push out those darling little cookie cutter rock band’s newest single to a complacent rock audience. (If I am wrong in all of this, please feel free to correct me.) This in turn, gets pumped out of my radio.

The help Kain, is that of something fucking different. I am not talking about the latest and greatest from Staind (I use the word greatest loosely) or an acoustic version of “Save Me.”. I am pleading for some variety in selection. It seems that this might be hard with your overlords probably demand some sort of quota for each new single for the day. I also don’t expect to hear something from The Dwarves, some Pixies B-sides, Skinny Puppy, or anything new from John Frusciante. I can still hope for some Motorhead, Fear Factory, Ministry, or any song by Radiohead other than the overplayed “Creep”. I gotta try small. Baby steps. But this is not just about me. There is a silent majority standing-by. Let me briefly explain why you were chosen for this plea.

Now since my work schedule is mainly nights, I get to hear you the most often. Now while I don’t agree with about 75% of what you say, I can relate to an anti-establishment spirit. I was there when you first started down here and got to hear all the screw-ups of the equipment that were in your charge. I got to hear the guy who was young, dumb, and full of cum ready to tackle the radio industry with a relentless assault. This guy got away with broadcasting live from a concert when he just started at a station. This is the guy who got away with playing “The lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying.” There just might be hope.

There is a quote taken from your profile on your website- “Don’t be a Sheeple! That is a cross between a sheep and a person... be the leader... the Alpha Male”

Let’s see who you are.

A silent majority is standing-by.

-David C. Wright