Funnier Than Punching Babies

My brother is the funniest person you have never met. This dude is a fucking riot. Where he gets his laser sharp wit is a marvel in itself. This is the same guy who called me a "donkey nut face" and got away with it. Always the charmer with his Morrissey blaring and working on his art, he has defined the word "individual" down here. I was in the room playing some Metroid 2 when he busts in with some grilled ham and cheese sandwiches. The smell was fucking delicious.

"Hey what you got there?"
"Grilled ham and cheese." He took another bite.
"Cool man. Smells fucking good."
There was a long pause while he was tapping around the computer and eating his sandwich.
"You want some bro'?"
"No I'm cool."
And with that in an almost melodic tone, "Suit yourself fuckface." , taking another full bite from the sandwich.

I have no idea where he comes up with this shit. Another time we were driving from the mall and we see my boss. He waves at us on the expressway and takes off. I tell my brother that it's my boss.

"Fuck that we got to take him out." His foot presses on the accelerator a little more.
"No fucking Japanese import is going to take on American steel.", all while rubbing the dashboard of an 85 Oldsmobile. We pass up the bossman and then he starts to quote Days of Thunder.

All I know is that the company better beware. I now have a date to the Christmas party.