Conflicted Morals

I just smoked the first cigarettes of the day at two in the morning. I can't sleep which means things are normal. There are a lot of things on my mind right now, but there is one that is pounding in my head.

I have always tried to be a moral person and incorporated these values into my life. This may seem weird for a guy like me. Yes I can be a twisted son of a bitch and a bastard from time to time, but I have always tried to put "good" things in my life to the forefront.

Loyalty
Truth
Honor

I am a very religious individual, but never in the conventional way. Seeing someone doing the right thing because God is looking over shoulder or just trying to rack up kudos at the pearly gates makes me ill. My ethics have never come from any religious stigma. It may seem like I prop myself on a high horse, but that's not the case. This is who I am and it's probably not going to change anytime soon. When dust settles and you are stripped of everything you have and are lying on the ground beaten and bloody, I hope that I still have my values. When those are gone, what are you left as?

I found out some information about a friend that seemed so outta place. It was an act that was found out about over some mild celebration at a bar. The information was pasted by a third party and the table just shut up. Moments later the event just dwindled down and conducted alcoholic debauchery as normal, but there was a twitch in the back of my head. I wonder how many times this happens to someone. Ever find out something about someone close that makes you sick to your stomach? The very thought of their act leaves a sour taste in your mouth. You are left with some sort of moral dilemma. You can either call them on their shit or forget about it and just have a good time. Fight or flight. I don't think I can run away from this.