"I Don't Know If You Know This Jim........But I Smoke Rocks."

There was a couple on the side of the road that was just standing there by the stop sign. The man was a tall, lanky guy that was straight stereotypical redneck with a worn hat that had an obscure company on the front, wranglers, and a button up flannel shirt. The woman was standing there shivering in a black blanket. I roll down the window to see if they are alright, and they just needed a ride..........at 1:30 in the morning

Funny thing about me and the weather. The weather down here in South Texas is fucking hot. I hate the goddamn heat. I have been in dry heat, desert heat, jungle heat, very humid heat, heat that'll cook eggs on the pavement, and heat that will melt an LCD thermometer. I hate the fucking heat. The people down here seem to love it. I'm starting to think that walking away from my Jeep sweating is a sign of weakness to everyone down here.

With that, I have learned to appreciate the cold. People outside shivering their ass off in 65-70 degree weather can't fathom how I light that second cigarette outside at night. I fucking love this shit. Don't talk to me about the cold. I'm too busy appreciating the little time that the earth's revolution around the sun will give me.

But not all people appreciate the great gift of cosmic balance. I try and understand this as this woman outside of my Jeep is shivering like a chihuahua shoved in the freezer. In my stupidity, I offer a ride.

The man lets the woman in first and then gets in himself. In his hand is a brand new box of some "revolutionary" (box quotes not mine) kitchen item. He mentions something about heading down a road one street past mine. His story is that his car broke down at a friends house and he needs to drop something off. I almost believe him. His scenario has now sparked my curiosity, but not enough to pry. They pass idle chit-chat on the way to this trailer down this dirt road.

"I'll be right back.", the man says as gets out with his "revolutionary" kitchen item and disappears into the backseat of a car. The woman is rambling on about God knows what when I remember this motherfucker. This guy was the same guy that was trying to get three bucks from me and Cece at a gas station when his "tractor broke down" and he needed a fuel filter...........at 12:00 in the morning. I got you now fucker. More is coming to light as this is the same spot that the last lady I gave a ride to took me to the same place. I got you now fucker.

He gets out of the car with the "revolutionary" item not on his person anymore and give him a ride back. This motherfucker has the nerve to start talking about "the end of the world" and how all the bad parts from the back of the bible are coming. The US is going to fall like Rome did because we are fighting terrorist who are apparently "an invisible enemy".

"So you work at a lab?" He
"Yeah....yeah." Me
"Oh so you do the urine test and stuff right?" He
"Wow....did you have to go to a lot of school for that?" She
"No......I'm uh.....still going to school." Me
"Must be a good paying job." He
"Not....really.....it just pays the bills." Me
"Well.....at least it takes care of that. Money is everything in this world." He
"Uh.....I don't think money is everything in this world......I think......" Me
"No.....it IS." He

My fangs started to grow and pulse with their scent.

"No this is." And I proceed to take huge bite from his throat. He lets out a faint gurgle; his throat spraying blood. His body slowly going limp as my own throat is filled with the rich taste of blood. The woman is too afraid to scream and making shrieking grunts as she is trying to escape.

"No you don't....." I grab her neck and twist it hard until I feel the pop.

The bodies are hard to get out because of the stupid passenger seat is hard to fold down. With them taken out and thrown into the ditch, I look for an old gym towel to wipe my face. On the drive home whistling the great song by CCR "Down on the Corner", my stomach grumbles.

I hope there's spaghetti when I get home.













What the hell did you expect? This was my Halloween post.