Smoker's Karma

"Karma is a bitch."

Indeed it is. I know enough about it not to want to fuck around with it. The Golden Rule. Do unto others is what a really nice Jew back in the day was trying to get in everyone's skulls. They killed his ass for it and now if you don't believe in him, guess where you are going. Karma is indeed a bitch. The universe really does have a way with balancing itself out. It's a nice thing to keep in mind when you are a smoker.

Okay, alright. A chain smoker. It's been about six years as a smoker and you pick up on a few rules of etiquette when dealing with your own kind. Rules you do not and can not fuck with. Now I'm not talking about your luckies. If you don't know what a lucky is, allow me to explain. When a guy buys a fresh pack of smokes it is some sort of alien custom to flip one upside down to designate your last cigarette. The "lucky" is supposed to be your last cigarette to smoke and if you do smoke it before you are out you are in for seven years of bad luck, a plane engine falls on your head while watching Friends, your girlfriend dumps you for another girl, ect. ect. ect. It's a stupid rule which I don't understand or follow but can understand the need for tradition. No.

I'm talking about bumming out smokes. Non-smokers can't really understand why you would give out a couple cigarettes to a stranger when you are the sole owner of the sacred sticks. Sure there are assholes out there who never buy a pack of their own constantly bumming from people, or the people who bum one from you and just stick it in their ear like Yankee Fucking Doodle only to lose or smoke it three days down the line, or those scumbags who have just bought a fresh pack and ward off would-be bummers by using the lines "This is my last one." or "I just ran out. Sorry.". To set the record straight, you perpetrators are a bunch of fucking bastards, but I alone cannot judge you. I merely have to set the example for a more polite smoking environment. My last cigarette. Sure. Take it. I don't care. You need one Yankee Doodle? Sure thing dude. What happens when you are in the clutch and are dying for that shot of vitamin N? Share the wealth and make it a better place for our kind. This kind of mentality just pays for itself. There have been very few times when I have been denied the precious substance. Do I get mad? No. A smile just crosses my mouth when I think of the moment me and Jesus are smoking Camel lights in heaven laughing at all those fucking bastards burning in Hell for not setting the standard.